You may think that you are alone, but I assure you that you that you are not. I am not an expert in psychology or neuroscience. I have no medical authority. The only thing that I possess is my experience. My life. My depression. But, as I have learned, I am not the only one who harbors this unwelcome burden. And, this burden can either be yours to harness and control, or it can be the ominous ruler of your life. We do have a choice in the matter. Do we medicate ourselves? Do we hope that it will simply resolve itself and vanish the next time we awaken from a restful or restless sleep? If you have medication, use it. It's not a crutch. I thought that it was. I thought, "How can I be me when I have these pills controlling my emotions." then, I realized that the medication only serves as platform on which I can stand firmly with who I truly am.
The medication is like an army that battles the person that I am not so that I am free to be the one who God created me to be. Now, you may not believe in the existence of God as depicted in the Bible. That's fine. I respect that. Insert your belief and operate from that. Just know that from a human stand point, you are not alone in this fight. Yes, depression sucks. It's a horrible villain that seeks to destroy us, to render us inert and stop us from achieving our true potential.
Depression is a dick-tator with no remorse and no conscience. That may sound as if victory is a distant and vague dream. But, that statement is a lie. We have recourse. We possess within ourselves the means to combat the vile beast of depression and have our victory. Many of us do not, however, have the tools. They exist. Trust me. I have discovered their location. First you must face yourself. If you know Star Wars at all, you may remember that Luke Skywalker had the same task in the cave on Dagobah. Of course, he thought he was facing his enemy, Darth Vader, but once the mask exploded, he saw only his own visage. Now, you too must go into the cave. Take Yoda's advice though and do not bring any weapons (metaphorically speaking) Look in the reflector (mirror) :). Smile. It's you. A beautiful you. A conquering you. Tear off the mask of the wretched person disguised as you, because that beast is not you. Depression, being the reviled foe, is not you. That is the mask you must remove in order to see you. It is difficult. Almost impossible. Look deeper into your own eyes. Beyond the dense muck of depression lies the person who you are destined to be. Depression does not have to define you.
This is my experience. My life. I have let depression describe me, write my story and edit the shit out of it. I hated it. I hated myself. Sometimes, I still do. We are not perfect and depression is a resourceful enemy, but not strong enough defeat us. We must fight. We must be a titan, a line backer, a conqueror and hold our ground. Why? Because we are not alone. Depression attempts to embed the notion that it is useless to refute it and to challenge it. We can't listen to that lie. We can refute it. We can challenge. We can say, "This is not who I am or who I want to be." I am not alone, so run oh foe of mine. Run. You who seeks to defeat me, run, for I am not alone.